Maybe Sharing Is Harder Than It Looks

We often ask children to share as though it is one simple thing.

“Let your friend have a turn.”

But perhaps there's another question worth asking:

What is sharing asking this little person to understand?

A Thought for Grown-Ups

Inside that one small request are quite a few big ideas.

This belongs to me—but someone else can use it.

I want it—but someone else wants it too.

I have it now—but I need to wait.

Someone is taking it—but I have to trust that it will come back.

Their feelings matter—even while I'm having feelings of my own.

Suddenly, sharing looks a little different.

A child isn't necessarily choosing between being kind and being selfish. They may still be learning about ownership, waiting, trust, disappointment and another person's wants.

The behaviour hasn't changed.

Our understanding of the behaviour has.

Understanding doesn't mean removing the boundary

Children still need to learn generosity, patience and consideration.

But there is a difference between helping a child learn something and assuming they already understand it.

Instead of only saying:

“Share.”

we can make the idea smaller and clearer:

“You're still playing with it. When you're finished, Maya can have a turn.”

“Sam is having his turn. Then it comes back to you.”

Or sometimes:

“You both want it. What could we do?”

Taking turns might be the answer.

Using it together might work.

There may even be another solution neither of us thought of.

And what about the child who's waiting?

There's another little person in this moment.

They are learning too.

They're learning to wait. To hear not yet. To understand that wanting something doesn't make it immediately theirs. To recognise that another child's feelings matter.

Perhaps sharing isn't a lesson for only the child holding the toy.

Both children are learning how to be with another human being.

Something for Little Hands

Our My Turn, Your Turn activity gives children simple everyday situations to think through together:

One toy. Two children. What could they do?

Sometimes:

My turn → Your turn.

Sometimes:

Let's use it together.

Sometimes:

Let's find another way.

It's less about finding the “right” answer and more about practising how to see the other person.

A Conversation Starter

At a calm moment, ask:

“If someone wanted something while you were still using it, what could we do so both of you felt okay?”

Then listen.

From Our Bookshelf

The Little Baobab That Refused to Share gives children a gentle story through which to explore sharing and generosity.

But perhaps the conversation doesn't always have to begin with:

“What should Bako have done?”

Sometimes we can begin with:

“What do you think Bako was feeling?”

Because learning to see another person's needs matters.

And sometimes that learning begins when someone first takes the time to see ours.