When Should I Encourage My Child — and When Should I Give Them More Time?

Sometimes it's hard to know.

Your child is standing at the edge of something new.

The potty.

A dark bedroom.

A swimming lesson.

A new school.

Something they haven't quite found the courage to try.

You know they can do it.

So do you encourage one more try?

Or is today the day to say:

“That's okay. We can try again another time.”

A Thought for Grown-Ups

From our side, we can often see what lies beyond the scary part.

Once you try it, you'll see it's okay.

But the child isn't standing where we're standing.

They're standing before the scary part.

What looks like a tiny step to us may feel enormous to them.

So perhaps the question isn't always:

“How do I get my child to do this?”

Sometimes it's:

“What does this feel like from where my child is standing?”

That doesn't mean we stop encouraging children.

It means encouragement begins with understanding.

Encouragement or pressure?

The two can sound surprisingly similar.

“Come on, you can do it!”

may feel wonderfully supportive to one child.

To another, it might feel like:

“Everyone is waiting for me to do something I'm not ready to do.”

Perhaps the difference is whether the child can still feel that we're on their side, even if they don't manage it today.

Encouragement says:

“I'll help you take the next little step.”

Pressure can begin to feel like:

“I need you to get to the finish line.”

Try this tonight

When something feels too big, make the goal smaller.

Not:

“Sleep in your room all night.”

Maybe:

“Let's sit on your bed together for five minutes.”

Not:

“Use the potty.”

Maybe:

“Let's go and have a look at it together.”

Not:

“Go and join the other children.”

Maybe:

“Shall we watch them for a little while first?”

A smaller step is still a step.

And sometimes saying “We'll try again another day” isn't giving up.

It's letting the child know that your relationship with them is bigger than today's achievement.

Something for Little Hands

Our My Brave Little Steps activity helps children take something that feels big and turn it into smaller steps.

Something I'd like to try...

⭐ My first little step

⭐ My next little step

⭐ When I'm ready...

And one particularly important question:

Who can help me?

Because bravery doesn't always mean doing something alone.

A Conversation Starter

At a calm moment, ask:

“When something feels scary, do you like me to encourage you—or would you rather I give you a little time first?”

Their answer might depend on the situation.

That's okay.

You're learning each other.

From Our Bookshelf

Zuri & The First Stars reminds us that courage and fear can exist together.

And Captain Ryan and His Super Duper Potty Mission brings that same idea into a very different childhood milestone: sometimes something perfectly ordinary to a grown-up can feel very big when you're little.

Perhaps courage isn't always one enormous leap.

Sometimes it's a tiny step.

Sometimes it's trying again tomorrow.

And sometimes the most important thing a child needs to know is:

“Whether you do it today or not, I'm still right here.”